This is hard to admit, because so many people see me as the bright, cheery person that I typically am. It's easier for me to hide behind a good sense of humor and carefree spirit, because being real means also being vulnerable.
Three months into my tiny house journey, one of the biggest lessons I've learned so far is that being able to have genuine connections with other people is so beautiful, and at the core essence of the human experience. (My inner introvert is screaming - but I digress). My plan was to hide out and return to the blog when I felt better, but I think it's important to share all sides of myself.
The truth is that I had been backsliding into a dark depression, and struggling to get to the root cause of it. Much like my neglected flowers, I felt wilted and dried up, my back turned from the sun. A lot of this unrest came from being lost in choices.
I tend to push myself to the limit because I have a complex to be THE BEST and DO THE MOST and because of this I sacrifice my core self - and for what?
I believe I suffer from a bit of survivors' guilt, as one of the foster children who "made it" in life. I felt that if I didn't push myself to the absolute limit, my second chance at life was a waste. But this is how burnout happens, and fast.
If you're familiar with the Miyazaki film called Kiki's Delivery Service (and if you're not, I highly recommend it!), you may remember when Kiki, a young witch in training, becomes depressed and loses her ability to fly. Ursula, Kiki's dear friend and rather eccentric artist, invites Kiki to stay at her woodland cabin and advises Kiki this:
“Stop trying. Take long walks. Look at scenery. Doze off at noon. Don't even think about flying. And then, pretty soon, you'll be flying again.” - Ursula
And so, Ursula, that's exactly what I've been doing! Long walks in nature, surrounded by simplicity. Making time for friends, funky art, and a whole lot of singing. Listening to music, and enjoying the animals that frequent my own little cabin's area. And I'm happy to say that it's pretty much worked!
There's something about the beauty of nature that reconnects me back to my core. I feel this is true for a lot of people. This weekend, I stretched my arms high, felt the sun on my face and water on my feet, and was at peace. I spent some time today picking raspberries, flowers, and fresh mint leaves for tea. A plump tomato, fresh and red, is waiting for tomorrow night's dinner. (Thank you for sharing your beautiful garden with me, Susan!)
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| The swimming hole. |
A very fancy camera lens - my graduation gift to myself - arrived today and I can't wait to capture all of my wildlife encounters now that I have a decent zoom. I took a quick shot of this blue jay just to try it out - I'm definitely feeling a wildlife excursion coming soon.
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| Miss Jay. |
Thank you, tiny house, for bringing me back to center due to your abundant beauty, peace, and simplicity. My life has changed in so many ways from just three months of living tiny, and I wonder who I'll be in a years' time.
And finally, my advice to my readers (there's a lot of you now, wow!) is to not fear vulnerability. This is what makes us real and human. When you open your heart to others, and be honest when you're struggling, it only fosters deeper connections with the ones that care about you. You'll be surprised with what you can discover about yourself when you're open.
Until next time,
Dia 🐝
